An Anthropological Survey of Digital Media Habits in English-Speaking Nations

Gamer_152
17 min readMay 18, 2019

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It seems to me that these days, everyone is on their phones. The phone is the thing that everyone is on these days. Ladies and gentlemen, everyone’s on their phones. An intelligent person might be studying the classics or appreciating the boundless beauty of the universe, but instead, everyone is on their phones. Everyone’s on their phones, and that’s a fact jack. Looking around the bus it seems that everyone is on their phones. Did you hear the one about everyone being on their phones? If you asked me what everyone was doing at the current date and time, I’d tell you they were on their phones. If we were to assign the value of “phone” to X and the value of everything to “Y”, it would be accurate to say that “Xs is on their Ys”, or more directly, everyone is on their phones. It is a truth, universally acknowledged, that everyone is on their phones. Oh, is that a phone you’re on? It figures, everyone is on them. I’ll never forget the day I lifted my beautiful baby boy above my head, and he looked down at me and said “Everyone’s on their phones”. Why, I didn’t get to be a big city lawyer with two-hundred cases under my belt without learning a thing or two about everyone being on their phones. “And lo, the son of the Lord did proclaim to his flock that everyone is on their phones”- Luke 12:20. You might wonder where everyone is these days. What are they doing with their time? Where does their interest lie? What drives them? What inspires them? Why, it’s none other than being on their phones. Buddy, you best believe everyone is on their phones. For one night only, everyone’s on their phones. If you’re not on your phone then you’re probably not even everybody. The phone; it’s the happening spot that everybody’s on. When questioned, the head of the Metropolitan Police had this statement to make: “Everyone’s on their phones”. What a piece of work is man, how on his phone he is. If you were to ask me what the device is that everyone is on these days, I’d point out to you that it’s that glowing edutainment rectangle we call the phone. Sometimes, people do be on their phones. You expected everyone not to be on their phones? Fat chance. It’s the bottom of the ninth, the bases are loaded, and everybody is on their phones. Look at my face, my pose, the way I carry myself, the way I dress myself. I am a man of class, of prestige, of repute, but everyone else? Everyone else is on their phones. The results are in, and everyone is on their phones. Those four sweet words she longs to hear: “Everyone’s on their phones”. It says here that everyone’s on their phones. Good evening, I’m Asad Ahmed. Our top story tonight: everyone is on their phones. Listen bucko, if you wanna make it in this town, there’s something you have to understand: Everyone is on their phones. What are people doing on there? Browsing social media? Posting photos? Playing games? There’s not a single atom of me that cares, the point is that everyone is on their phones. Are you reading this on your phone right now? Only further proof that everyone is on their phones. Don’t you threaten me with everyone being on their phones. The historians of the future will say of this era, that everyone was on their phones. Word on the street is that everyone is on their phone. If you’re keeping up, you’ll have gathered that everyone is on their phone. The elephant in the room is that everyone’s on their phones. [In Michael Stipe voice] “Everyone’s on their phones”. If you were to write a book about what people these days are doing, it would be called “Everyone is on their phones”. What’s everyone on? Why, their phone, of course. On a good night, if the wind is blowing in the right direction and you listen very closely, you can hear that everyone is on their phones. Oh dearie, it’s just such an awful world out there, what with everyone being on their phones, I worry about you. My guru has informed me that everyone is on their phones. Target “Everyone” has been located. Current status: On their phones. Everyone’s on their phones? Sounds about right. How are you doing mate, on your phone again? Yeah, everyone is. You’d have to be an idiot to ignore that everyone is on their phones. I think the right honourable lady, even with her deep belief in this policy, will have to admit that everyone is on their phones. [Count voice] Everyvuns on their phones. Scientists are concerned that peoples’ IQ isn’t increasing, and the reason? They’re all on their phones. Hey there sweetpea, I’m sure a real swell dame like you knows that everyone is on their phones. The power, the satisfaction, the thrill, of knowing that everyone is on their phones. I’m watching the groundbreaking Swedish drama “Everyone Is on Their Phones”. Everyone is on their phones? Roger that, control. They taught us in university that everyone is on their phone. Don’t you see? The answer was right under our nose all along. Everyone was on their phones. Welcome, welcome. I assume you’ve met everyone already. They’re on their phones. See, here’s your problem, [taps pipe with screwdriver] everyone’s on their phones. I can’t even get my classroom to pay attention when everyone is on their phones. Ingredients: Everyone. Serving suggestion: On their phones. I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised to find that everyone is on their phones. Mister, I’ll be a monkey’s uncle if everyone ain’t on their phones. Everyone’s on their phones and you can take that to your bank. E-e-e-everyone’s on their ph-ph-phones. Yuck, everyone’s on their phones. Hmm, curious, it almost looks like everyone’s on their phones. “Everyone is on their phones”; these words in sombre colour I beheld; written upon the summit of a gate. It’s just one of those funny little things that everyone’s on their phones. If you were to look up “everyone” in a dictionary, you’d see a picture of them on their phones. Fred Flintstone’s classic catchphrase, “Everyone’s on their phones”. Who’s a good everyone? Who’s a good everyone? Was you on your phone? Yes you was. Yes you was. Everyone IS on their phones. Everyone is ON their phones. I can feel it deep down in me bones, everyone’s on their phones. I feel vindicated that everyone is on their phones these days. Our counsellor has prepared a short speech about how everyone is on their phones. Everyone’s on their phones? Tell me about it. It’s as though God swept his hand over the cosmos and decided that everyone should be on their phones. When it gets down to it, at the end of the day, when all’s said and done, everyone’s on their phones. In case you haven’t heard, everyone is on their phones. Egads! Everyone’s on their phones! If, after this planet is left in rubble, and the sky turns cold, aliens should find this Earth, they will conclude that everyone is on their phones. Anyone who’s anyone knows that everyone is on their phones. My blood runs cold as I realise that everyone is on their phones. Have you seen the new longread on Slate about everyone being on their phones? Oh, sweet, everyone’s on their phones. Imagine that you get home, your dog can speak English, and she looks up and in a rotten voice says to you “Everyone’s on their phones”. It is time to admit to ourselves a harsh and disturbing truth: that everyone is on their phones. Hm? What’s that? Oh yeah, I agree, everyone’s on their phones. Ugh, everyone’s on their phones. I never thought I’d see it in my lifetime but everyone is on their phones. Let me tell you a secret: Everyone is on their phones. Get ready for the silky smooth stylings of “Everyone’s on their phones”. Everyone’s on their phones and that’s okay. I’ve cracked the code! Everyone’s on their phones. Y’arr matey, everyone’s on their phones. Solve the following anagram: e oio vhesnhrytnnr ies peoe. As baffling as it may seem, everyone is on their phones. Two phones diverged in a yellow wood and everybody was on them. We hold these truths to be self-evident, that everyone is on their phones. Everyone’s on their phones? Nice. Alright, bring it in, fifty-two cases of everyone’s on their phones, all paid and accounted for. Aha, everyone’s on their phones. I love that everyone’s on their phones. Many of the major world religions preach that everyone is on their phone. Anyway, as you know, everyone’s on their phones. As far as I can tell, everyone’s on their phones. Look at this, folks, everyone’s on their phones. It gives me no pleasure to inform you that everyone is on their phones. We need to understand the metaphysical implications of everyone being on their phones. It seems like everyone has always been on their phones. When will you understand? Everyone’s on their phones. And over here is Arthur’s beautiful painting of everyone being on their phones. Make a note, everyone’s on their phones. Oof, everyone’s on their phones. Why didn’t you tell me everyone is on their phones? Loading scenario: Everyone being on their phones. I’m not very surprised that everyone is on their phones. I’m not leaving this DMV until everyone is on their phones. A little birdie told me that everyone is on their phones. For all elements in set “people” the status “on their phone” applies. You really expected me not to find out that everyone is on their phones? Son, I gotta tell ya something, everyone’s on their phones. In the year of our Lord, 2019, everyone is on their phones. Some people pay a lot of money for everyone being on their phones. Hey, look everyone, everybody is on their phones. Yeah, there’s this old podcast with Alain de Botton where he describes how everyone is on their phones. It has been brought to my attention that everyone is on their phones. Yowza! Everyone is on their phones! Fun fact: Everyone is on their phones. You just have to know that everyone’s on their phones. It’s plain as day that everyone’s on their phones. Did you read my shirt? It says “Everyone is on their phones”. I also have a backpack, wristband, and baseball cap that read “Everyone is on their phones”. A message came in from command and 0800 hours: “Everyone is on their phones”. Everyone is on their phones and that’s a big deal. Everyone’s on their phones and that fills me with hope. Everyone’s on their phones and that’s dreadful. Over history, many prolific films and novels have been written about how everyone is on their phones. A meteorologist pointing at a map of the country that’s covered in phone icons and telling you that everyone is on their phones. Yikes, everyone is on their phones. There are some fantastic health benefits for everyone being on their phones. If it offers you any comfort in these trying times, remember that everyone is on their phones. Oh wow, everyone is on their phones. It’s simply the phones that everyone is on. I did not anticipate that everyone would be on their phones. I got a mod for my everyone to make them be on their phones. I’m so proud of everyone for being on their phones. Alert! Alert! Everyone’s on their phones. For only £9.99 you too could hear that everyone is on their phones. The species “human” is defined by a proclivity to be on their phone. The crown prince decrees: Everyone is on their phone. Everyone’s on their phones, silly billy. The industry seeing the fastest growth in Europe is everyone being on their phones. Celebs can’t stop talking about how everyone is on their phones. It’s a matter of academic record that everyone is on their phones. Everyone? Oh baby, they’re right in the phone zone. You haven’t got to be a MENSA genius to figure out that everyone’s on their phones. What I’m gonna do here is write up a bill for telling you that everyone is on their phones. I’m exhausted with everyone being on their phones. I told you everyone would be on their phones. I’m not short-changing you here. It’s not just a few people who are on their phones, it’s not just most people who are on their phones, it’s everyone who is on their phones. Tout le monde est au téléphone. Jeder ist am Telefon. Každý je na telefonu. Raaaaaaggh! Everyone’s on the telephone! Have I mentioned that everyone is on the telephone? My colleague will be in in just a minute to talk about how everyone is on their phones. You know how it is: everyone is on their phones. I’ve crunched the numbers and everyone is on their phones. 100% of time, 100% of the people are on 100% of the phones. We’ve got word coming in that everyone is on their phone. I have travelled hundreds of miles to tell you that everyone is on their phones. Picking up a VHS box, flipping it over, and reading the tagline “Everyone is on their phones”. Catch this: Everyone is on their phone. It has never been more true than now that everyone is on their phones. There’s no shame in it, but everyone is on their phones. Just gonna drop a link in here to my forum where everyone is on the phones. Everyone is on their phones? Oh, hell yeah. It’s getting hot in here and everyone is on their phones. You know why there’s so much interference in the air? It’s because everyone is on their phones. I can’t stress this enough, everyone is on their phones. When I look back at this point in my life I know I’ll remember that everyone was on their phone. Everyone’s on their phones? Fair game. There’s a lot going on in the world today. For example, everyone is on their phones. It’s hard to conceive of, but everyone is on the phone. Whispered words from the dark, an ancient incantation spoken by something not quite animal from the end of the shadowy corridor: “Everyone is on their phones”. Dad, why is everyone on their phone? I’m super surprised that everyone is on their phone. The truth is that everyone is on their phone. If you’re just tuning in, everyone’s on their phone. The long and short of it is that everyone is on their phone. If I was everyone, I wouldn’t be on my phone, but you do you. It’s a big undertaking, but we finally got everyone on their phone. In my opinion, everyone is on their phone. There’s nothing controversial about the idea that everyone is on their phone. Everyone being on the phone? That’s way above my pay grade. Any good textbook will tell you that everyone is on their phone. Woof, everyone’s on their phone. If you look at it in a certain light, it seems that everyone is on their phone. So what everyone’s gonna do, see, is be on their phones. You’d have to have been living under a rock not to know that everyone’s on their phones. So what’s happening right now is that everyone is on their phones. That’s a nice everyone, a shame if they were to be on their phones. You wonder how everyone contacts you so quickly? That’s because they’re on their phone. You wonder how they keep so up to date with current events? That’s also because they’re on their phone. Come on, I wanna see you waving all your phones in the air. You’re already on them. Kind of peculiar that everyone’s on their phones. There is nothing wrong with everyone being on their phones. In the meantime, everyone is on their phones. It feels like just yesterday that everyone started being on their phones. Only a coward wouldn’t tell you that everyone is on their phones. This is the great unification of everyone and their phones. The topic of the day? Everyone’s on their phones. I know you know that I know that everyone’s on their phones. I’ll explain why everyone is on their phones in a minute. Loading… Tip: Everyone is on their phones. Cutting the hedge in my garden into topiary that says “Everyone is on their phones”. Don’t ignore me, I’m telling you that everyone is on their phones. Did you hear that old folk motto? That everyone is on their phones? Excuse me, but shouldn’t we discuss how everyone is on their phones? Everyone’s not not on their phones. It’s cool how everyone is on their phones. In an accurate simulation of Earth, you’d be able to see that everyone is on their phones. It’s a known fact that everyone is on their phones. As you cooly return your sword to its sheath, a Dwarf Knight steps from under the portcullis into the soft amber light of your lantern. With a slight “clank”, he bends one knee, gracefully removes his helmet, and says “Everyone is on their phones”. We’ll just have to come to terms with it: everyone is on their phones. If you need a catch-up: Everyone is on their phones. I swear, everyone is on their phones. Barely a second has passed but in that time everyone has gotten on their phones. Did you see the post about everyone being on their phones? The government is grinding to a standstill because everyone is on their phones. Everyone has the ability to be on their phone and they’re exercising it. Again, everyone’s on their phone. Getting an extra large everyone with double phone. As you can see via the diagram, everyone is on their phone. What a beautiful day it is here at Wimbledon, where everyone is on their phones. It’s hard to imagine a time where everyone wasn’t on their phones. Do you see it? Everyone’s on their phones. Grandma didn’t raise me to not think that everyone’s on their phones. I am relaying a subtle message that everyone is on their phones. All music is about how everyone is on their phones. I can’t decide which is the phone for me but I sure know that everyone’s on them. Just remember that everyone’s on their phones and you’ll do fine. Heh, everyone’s on the phone. Oh love, I’ve been waiting to tell you, everyone is on their phones. If you want a neat writing exercise, I recommend writing “Everyone is on their phone” a hundred times. How can you talk like that when you know that everyone is on their phones? There’s no arguing with it: Everyone is on their phones. Actually, everyone is on their phones. Beep boop, everyone’s on their phones. Who’d have thought it? Everyone is on their phone. Don’t forget, everyone is on their phones. The stars are all lining up to see that everybody’s on their phones. Breathtaking, everyone’s on their phones. It’s kind of sad that everyone’s on their phones. Uh, everyone’s on their phones. Man, everyone’s on their phones now. Okay, I’ve warmed up now and I’m ready to tell you that everyone is on their phones. Do you think this is a joke? That everyone is on their phones? There are no phones left because everyone is on them. It’s not what I was aiming for, but everyone is on their phones. Can someone order me a Chinese? I only ask because everyone’s on their phones. There’s no turning back now; everyone’s already on their phones. I’m just trying to talk to people but they’re all on their phones. We’ve gotten to the point where everyone is on their phones. I know it’s weird to think about but everyone’s on their phones. I have it on good authority that everyone is on their phones. I mean it when I say that everyone is on their phones. Make no mistakes, everyone’s on their phones. The jury’s out, everyone’s on their phones. Quick recap: Everyone’s on their phones. An exclusive exposé reveals that everyone’s on their phones. Nothing gets past me, I know that everyone is on their phones. It’s therapeutic for everyone to be on their phones. It’s agonising for everyone to be on their phones. It’s funny for everyone to be on their phones. The interesting thing about everyone is they’re on their phones. Should there be an apostrophe in “everyone’s on their phones”? My house is the second last one on the street, just past everyone being on their phones. It’s just patronising at this point to keep hearing that everyone’s on their phones. I don’t get why everyone’s on their phones but I know it’s true. The spirits speak to me, they say “Everyone is on their phone”. Report: Everyone is on their phone. You know what they say: “Everyone is on their phone”. I thought you should know, everyone is on their phones. It’s not up to me, but everyone’s on their phones. Guess what? Everyone’s on their phones. My word, everyone is on their phones. It’s the phrase on everyone’s lips: Everyone is on their phones. Know this: Everyone is on their phones. Hey, everyone is on their phones. Everyone’s on their phones? Alright. [Squinting at note card] Everyone is on their phones. It’s the fashion today for everybody to be on their phones. Everyone relax, put your feet up, be on your phones. This is my daughter, Everyone’s On Their Phones. S03E14: Everyone’s On Their Phones. Seems a bit rude but everyone’s on their phones. How saucy, everyone’s on their phones. This meteorological equipment might not look like much but it’s sensitive enough to pick up that everyone’s on their phones. We are here today to witness the marriage of everyone and their phones. Tonight, I think I will go for everyone being on their phones. Look out everyone! You’re on your phones! This just in: Everyone’s on their phones. Imagine my surprise to learn that the whole time everyone was on their phones. I travelled all the way here to tell you that everyone’s on their phones. At last, it’s all over, everyone’s on their phones. Mr. President. [Pregnant pause] Everyone’s on their phones. No wonder nobody’s listening, they’re all on their phones. The first thing that a student of medicine must understand is that everyone’s on their phones. Whether rich or poor, you’re on your phone. On their phones everyone is. Hot tamale! Everyone’s on their phones. Everyone’s on their phones you say? Did you catch that everyone’s on their phones? To get you up to speed, everyone’s on their phones. Kansas man finds this message burnt into his morning toast: “Everyone’s on their phones”. Everyone has been acquired. I could see them clear as day when they’re on their phones. Also, everyone is on their phones. Everyone is on their phones but you get used to it. I need to lie down; everyone’s on their phones. Wait, go back. What was that thing you just said about everyone being on their phones. Say it with me: Everyone’s on their phones. Sometimes I wish that everyone wasn’t on their phones. I’ve had some really uplifting experiences with everyone being on their phones. I don’t need a damn chart to tell me that everyone’s on their phones. Don’t mind everyone, they’re just on their phones. Okay, explain it to me one more time. Everyone’s on their phones? Everyone might as well be on their phones. I didn’t know that about everyone being on their phones. You’ll have to speak up, everyone’s on their phones. My mission is clear: To get everyone on their phones. You’d think everyone might not be on their phones, but no. From my perspective, everyone’s on their phones. Master, there’s a man here who wants to speak to you. He says everyone’s on their phones. The original plan was for everyone to be on their phones. I hope everyone is on their phones; I’ve been excited for it all week. Phones! Get your phones! Everyone’s on ‘em! Basically, everyone’s on their phones. That’s the correct answer: Everyone is on their phones. You don’t have to tell me that everyone’s on their phones. We’ve gotta get people off their phones; everyone’s on them. I didn’t want to say it but everyone’s on their phones. In case of emergency everyone should place their heads between their legs and be on their phones. The aim of our covert operation is to get everyone on their phones. Thankfully, everyone is on their phones. It’s incredibly disruptive for everyone to be on their phones but that’s what we’re working with. Everyone died the way they lived: on their phones. Have you seen that Vine where everyone is on their phones? Spring is in the air and everyone is on their phones. I’m getting a lot of DMs about how everyone is on their phones. There’s nothing like knowing that everyone is on their phones. I’m sorry, everyone is on their phones. If you wanna drop by mine later, everyone will be on their phones. So let me get this straight, everyone’s on their phones? Positive thinking starts with everyone being on their phones. Your manager hates everyone being on their phones. Everyone is moving it downfield. Everyone’s on their phones? That’s health and safety for you. They’re lining it up! And yes! Everyone’s on their phones. I wish someone had told me everyone was on their phones sooner. It’s spooky to realise that everyone is on their phone. What did I tell ya? Everyone is on their phones. The story takes place in a dystopian futuristic setting where everyone is on their phones. Dear God, everyone’s on their phones. Everyone being on their phone is a helluva drug. I have a friend who works there and she says everyone is on their phones. Zone 1 is for everyone being on their phones only. Anyone who pays for the £20 tier will get to see everyone being on their phones. Everyone’s on their phones and that’s a lot. How did you fix it so that everyone is on their phones? For as long as I can remember, everyone’s been on their phones. Can anybody hear me? Everyone’s on their phones down here. I really can’t emphasise enough that everyone is on their phones.

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Gamer_152
Gamer_152

Written by Gamer_152

Moderator of Giant Bomb, writing about all sorts. This is a place for my experiments and side projects.

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